Living With Chronic Pain



By, A Friend On Facebook

Pain usually dictates what I can do each day. Can I take a shower? Make the bed? Cook a meal or do I resort to frozen dinners? Can I play with my grandchildren outside or do we do color and story time again? Can I go to the store or do I say “tomorrow” for the third day in row?

It isn’t a matter of mind over matter. No matter how much I want, I can’t force my legs to work or bear weight. I can’t stop the nausea from wracking my body or stop tears from my eyes. We see people doing amazing things despite illnesses. And that is awesome. Seriously. I am ecstatic for them.

But as great and celebrated as those stories are and should be, it doesn’t mean every person can do that. Not because want. Not because desire but because not every disease allows it. Not every body can support it.

It’s important for not only society but friends and family realize that us saying no to certain outings or saying hey I can’t go to the movies after the mall isn’t a cop out. It’s truth. It’s our reality. We have stronger awareness of our limitations.

What may leave you tired, may leave us exhausted. What leaves you needing a hot bath, leaves us in bed rest for days. What leaves you fatigued, can land us in the hospital.

Our never ending reality is one full of careful calculations and often times risk. Because we want that few hours of “normalcy” so we push and risk when we shouldn’t. Bear with us and be patient. We are doing the best we can.


I thought that it was important to share this with everyone because not everyone understands what it’s like to live with chonic pain. I for one live with this condition myself, and want people to be aware of what it’s like for people whom experience this condition. Many just don’t understand what it’s like to wake up, go through out the day, and go to bed and try to sleep all while in pain.


Family isn’t always blood

All I have ever wanted in life is a family. Brothers and sisters to look out for me. Parents that were proud of me. A husband that i can spend my life with. I mastered the husband part. The family part has been rocky. I no longer have contact with my father. Due to my depression and anxiety, I just felt that it was too toxic to have a father that added to my mental instability. I have one blood brother and although things are OK at the moment, we have never had a strong relationship.

I’ve had many people come and go in my life, and make promises they just couldn’t keep. Almost a year ago I met a friend online that has been more of a brother to me from far away, then my blood brother. I know your asking yourself how could someone you never met be like family. I will tell you how. To have someone care about you on a daily basis. To show concern and worry when you haven’t called or woken up at a certain time. To want to spend time laughing and just talking about the day to day events that go on in our lives. He has given me these things and so much more. I can honestly feel that he cares about me and my well being. It’s a great feeling. I only hope that he knows how grateful I am for his love, friendship, and the role he plays in my life. Although I struggle daily with my mental demons, I can honestly say I’m happy and very blessed. I feel like God has blessed me.

No Political Parties?

I was thinking about having no political parties…  While a nice theory, it would never work.  There will always be those who are liberal who feel that the government should tell everyone what to think and to feel, and promote socialism, which in a bigger scale just doesn’t work.  Why just look at the former Soviet Union.  Then there’s the more reasonable conservatives whom feel that we should uphold the constitution and the vision of the founding fathers of the United States.

It’s the conservatives that feel that the security of the Citizens of the United States is paramount, and that we should help our soldiers fight by giving them funding for better tools to do thier jobs with, and the support of the United States.  The conservatives waste less money.  They don’t want to start more programs that put further strain on our economy, they want to fix and stregthen the current programs before creating new ones.  They don’t cave in to the pressure to special interest groups, and want to make sure that people have jobs so that everyone can pay for thier own medical insurance.

So before anyone goes off on me and tells me that the democrats want to give back to the people, lets think about that first.  OK, so you want free higher education, free medical insurance…  Lets start with the free medical insurance.  Medical care is very expensive, and will cost the federal government billions every year.  Free education?  That’ll cost billions as well.  Now, where is that money going to come from?  The middle class taxpayer that’s struggling to make ends meet.  The rich isn’t gonna pay, cause they don’t want to change tax laws to help balance this problem.  I didn’t hear any of the Democrats even mention reforming the tax system here in america.  So, the democrats aren’t giving you anything.  Just making the middle class pay for everyone’s medical and higher education.

Think about it.  The democrats were in power  in Washington, DC for 8 years, and there’s been no tax reform.  The rich are still rich and the poor are still poor.  They had the controlling power in congress, but did nothing to fix this lopsided economy.  For that, they blame the republicans.  Here in Hawaii the Democrats blame the Republicans for all the things bad in Hawaii, when they’ve held power here in Hawaii for decades…  The rich are still rich and the poor are still poor, and in fact, things have gotten worse over the years.  In fact, there’s more people living on the streets now than when the last Republican was in office in Hawaii.

So no, because of the huge difference in beliefs there will never be a no political party system.  On a side note, people who say they’re going to leave the country if Trump gets into office, please do so.  We have enough cry-babies here in America.  A few less will make the country a better place.



Manners…  Like common sense, it seems like its not very common at all.  But manners is something that everyone hides behind.  Something that keeps them from telling the whole truth to people.  If it’s something that I’ve learned over the many years of my life is that it is in human nature to be selfish and cruel.  It’s this thing that we call manners that stops us from showing the rest of the world how humanity really is.

Why do I say that?  Quite simple really.  When someone that you don’t like comes up to you and speaks to you, you don’t tell them what you really think, right?  It’s not only out of respect, but it’s also manners.  I feel that manners is apart of respect.  As an “evolved” society, we are taught that manners is important, but we also hide our true nature behind it as well.  As I’ve said in a previous post, “Its in our nature”  Yes, we are all forced to be “two-faced” as some would put it.  We can’t very well tell everyone that we meet up with what we truly think about them, now can we?  I mean we’ve seen what happens when that “reflex” is shut off.  Look at the movie Liar Liar starring Jim Carrey, while rather funny it’s true.

I know that I make humanity sound like uncaring beings.  I feel that it’s our “moral compass” or our sense of right and wrong that stops us from taking that step from uncaring to monstrous.  But, like any other species out there, we’re not perfect beings.  I feel that this is one of the things stopping our species from evolving further.  I feel that as the youngest species on the Earth, we’ve come a long way in the time of our existence.  I feel that we shouldn’t be in a rush to evolve further, but learn from this existence, and become greater beings from it.

This is my thoughts on this subject, and I present it to you for you to make your own minds up about.  Thanks for reading, and will catch you on the flip side. 🙂

Are you sure?


“Are you sure?” That’s another thing that people ask me that annoys the heck out of me.  As soon as I answer the question someone asks me if I’m sure or not.  I usually say, “Yeah”.  But what I really want to say is, “Are you deaf, or do you just not understand what I said?”  As if it wasn’t enough that my computer and my phone is always asking me if I’m sure, people decide to put an “Are you sure” dialog confirmation box on reality.  I don’t make answers without thinking about it first if not just a little.  Once, someone asked me if I wanted cream in my coffee, I said yes.  And the person responded, “Are you sure?”  I thought to myself, “Oh my god! Is he serious?” Of course minding my manners, I just nodded.  Manners, that’s something that I’ll cover in a different post.

Could you just imagine that if every time you made a decision in life, time froze for you and an are you sure dialog box pops up in front of your face with a yes or no button to push before things would continue?  Football wouldn’t be as action packed.  Alex Smith is going to pass the ball and then, “Are you sure?” (LOL). That would be too much.  OK, rant done.

I thank my small but growing audience of readers for taking time to read my rants and thoughts. 🙂

It’s in our nature…

it's in your nature

I remember in one of the Terminator movies the Terminator (the T100, pictured above) had told young John Connor that it was in our nature to destroy ourselves.  I’ve never forgotten that quote because at the time even though I was young when I saw the movie in the theater, I thought to myself, “That is so true”.  For me to realize that at such an early age is quite depressing.

If one really thinks about it, it is true.  All the wars, the mass destruction and killing over the centuries because of ideals, beliefs, and sometimes just plain greed.  The Romans were guilty of the latter.  Wars over ideals and beliefs, well, look at recent history.  WWI and WWII were all because of beliefs.  The Revolutionary War as well.  The sad thing is that we don’t stop at destroying just ourselves.  We also destroy the things around us (us meaning humanity).

We almost killed off all the whales in the ocean, we destroy our environment by creating pollution on a mass scale.  We cut down the trees that make our oxygen.  So yes, I do believe that it is in our nature as a species to destroy ourselves and things around us.  It doesn’t matter if we intend to or not, if it’s out of ignorance or not, or even necessity.  It’s plain fact.  It saddens me at times to see these things happen around, me, but there’s nothing that I could do that would make a difference.  There are people already out there lobbying to “save the planet” without much success, I may add.

In the end, the planet will triumph, though.  Humanity won’t be here forever, how many times has mother nature (or god if that’s what you believe) have started over?  If I’m correct, we’re the second attempt.  The first attempt was the dinosaurs, but they were all wiped out after millions of years by a comet.  Yup, the greater powers decided to start over again, but the planet remained.  So, I believe that mother earth will triumph over us in one way or another, and that if its in our nature or not to destroy ourselves time will move on.  No one lives forever.  Or as Riddick said in The Assault on The Dark Athena game: “No one wants to die, but everyone gets to”

This is my perspective on this subject, and I leave it to my readers to make up their own minds about this subject.  Thanks for reading! 🙂

Are You OK?

Are you okay

It annoys me when someone asks me if I’m OK after I’ve fallen and hurt myself, bumped my head on something, etc.  It makes me want to say, “I’ve scraped my knee, do I look OK to you?”  Now, why do people ask you if you’re OK after you’ve visibly hurt yourself?  I’ve thought about it on and off for years, and this ponder has gotten me no where.  Perhaps they’re wondering if you need medical attention?  If that’s the case, why don’t they just ask directly?  Then there are those whom see that you’re grieving about something.  A broken heart, a loss of a loved one, and even if they know that you aren’t OK, they ask anyway, “Are you OK?”  I don’t know about you, but that’s enough to make me want to scream.

Why can’t people just come out and say what they mean?  Honestly, I don’t know…  Perhaps society in general has degraded to the point where we can’t express ourselves without fear of making fools of ourselves?  Perhaps.  I guess it’s something that I’ll never know.

Turning Back Time…


Have you ever wished that you could turn back time and change events that happened in the past?  I think that we all have.  Well, let’s look at this from a scientific point of view.  Let’s say that one has the time machine from the Back To The Future movie series…  And one could go to anytime and anywhere they wanted to.



As apart of our example, lets just say that you wanted to go back to a time in the past and stop yourself from doing something embarrassing.  So you set your DeLorean to that specific time and date, hit 88 miles per hour, and poof!  You’re back at the moment that you want to change.  Now, let’s stop there and think about the ramifications of changing a past event.  Many of the ramifications of changing time was stated in the series of Back To The Future movies and even Star Trek.  All of which are based in scientific fact.

  • You may stop yourself from being born (yes, you could inadvertently stop yourself from ever existing).
  • You could stop yourself from meeting your significant other.
  • You could stop your entire family from ever existing.
  • The changes in time that one makes could rip a hole in the time-space continuum and swallow the Earth whole, or even destroy the galaxy.
  • Or, you could just change that one event that you wanted to and have things turn out the way you wanted (highly unlikely, but possible).

Just looking at that short list of things that may happen, is enough to discourage me.  Time is like dominoes, all lined up, you make one fall, they all do.  Many people say that everything happened / happens for a reason.  I’m inclined to believe that.  You wouldn’t be where you are / who you are today if it wasn’t for the events that took place in your past.  I may have not liked what happened in the past, and wish that things turned out differently, but those events make you… You.

In the ending, I shall do as I always do, leave the decision up, to you…  I have only presented my thoughts on the subject, and leave the decision to you… Well, that is if you really could travel back in time.

Respect and The Opposite Sex…

respect men women 2

Well, that’s a novel idea, isn’t it?  Respect and being a gentleman.  I respect women, I treat them right, hold open the door for them, pay the bill when we go out, etc.  That’s how I was raised.  I constantly see women complaining about respect and men not behaving a certain way.  What’s funny is that they expect respect, a man to behave like a gentleman, but when it comes to being a “lady” and showing their man respect, it’s more like “serve me”.  To all the women whom talk the talk, I feel that this needs to be said.

Respect is earned, and is a two way street.  If you want it, you give it.

That’s the bottom line really.  I’ve been in many one-way relationships where I treat the girl well, and she treats me with disrespect and well, generally like trash.  I was once very nice…  Until I’ve had my heart ripped out and stomped on one too many times.  I hold the philosophy now that if a woman wants respect, she gives it first.  If she wants me to be a gentleman, she has to be a lady.  It’s a two way street, and I feel that it’s fair.

If a woman wants respect, she gives it first.  If she wants me to be a gentleman, she has to be a lady.  It’s a two way street, and I feel that it’s fair.

Quite frankly, I’m tired of men taking a bum rap because we’re the ones that have to be “perfect”.  I’ll say this, I’ve been with women that are just as bad if not worse than some of the stories that I’ve heard about males.  I’ve been abused both physically and psychologically by the opposite sex.

After seeing all the posts on the Internet an elsewhere, I felt that I had to say something as a male that’s been through hell with the opposite sex, and yet many times I take the rap from women because I’m male.  Sheesh.  As I’ve said in my other posts here, I’m not here to start a war of which sex is better.  I’m here posting my perspective on this subject.  I’m not saying what side is right or wrong, I let my readers believe what they wish.  As the title of my site says, this is the thoughts of a geek (me).  OK, my rant is done.



A word is just that, a word.  That is until someone comes along and puts a meaning behind of it.  For instance, like the word ass.  When the word was first used it didn’t mean your buttocks, it meant donkey.  Was it a slur or an insult?  No.  It was another name for an animal.  Another example is the ever so famous word f*ck. When that word was first used, it had nothing to do with sexual intercourse.  It’s first true meaning was to plant seeds into the ground.

Being a minority myself, I’ve heard lots of hateful words many of them racial slurs.  When I was younger, I used to let these words bother me, even hurt me.  Now I know better.  It’s just a word.  Someone had asked a Japanese friend of mine, what if someone called you a “Jap”?  He had responded, “So? I am one.”  When he had told me that, I couldn’t help but smile.  From then on I realized that Jap was just a word.


Even George Carlin had a routine in one of his acts all about words, and how that they were just that… Words.  Don’t get me wrong though, words can still hurt depending on someone’s perspective.  Perspective…that’s a word that I’ve been using a lot these days in my posts.  In a way a perspective is like an opinion, and all you Dirty Harry fans out there know what he says about opinions (lol).  The way that words are perceived isn’t just the fault of the person hearing them, but the was that those words are used as well.

Words can be used to hurt just like a knife or a gun.  Only this weapon doesn’t kill or maim, it just hurts someone’s feelings.  Which to me is just about the same thing.  I used to tell my ex-girlfriend whom always seemed to operate her mouth before her brain to think before she speaks.  We’re all guilty of it, but she took it to a whole new level.  She was cruel about it, and it seemed like she either didn’t care, or she didn’t realize it.  Till this day I think that she never really cared.  But, I suppose that’s just my perspective.

As always, I leave my post to your perspective, my readers.  I only presented what I thought.